What do I want?

Last Saturday was a bit of a let-down. I was texting Mr Poke all night and was a bit bored with the club. The clubs in my town are terrible, I am just too old for them... or not slutty/drunk enough.

I've been in contact with Mr Barman a bit. He's obviously really horny recently because he's very keen to see me again. He knows nothing's going to happen at the moment because a) Mr Poke b) he's still not got himself checked out. Something he sent today was "if u do want sex just tell me im a toy for u to use x X x" which is a bit weird, but I appreciate his ease with the situation.

I don't know what to do about Mr Poke, I like him A LOT, though he can be very irritating at times, but I'm never going to get to see him. As it's been my red week this week I've been especially tetchy. I got annoyed with him yesterday as he said "I'm sure you'll get laid next week" this made me flip-out as he knows how I feel about him, and also makes me feel cheap (and he's made similar comments before). After a short outburst via text, I forced his hand and he admitted he cared for me, but he's reluctant as we're unlikely to see each other much, as we're both poor and living in different towns, not to mention his trip to the other side of the world in September. I just enjoy his company (even his virtual company) so much. Maybe I'm grasping at straws and should just resign myself to the fact nothing's going to happen, but that seems so daft when we both obviously like each other.

Do I keep putting Mr Barman off until at least next month when I'll see Mr Poke so I can wait and see what happens there? Or do I give up on Mr Poke, wait for Mr Barman to get his sexual health sorted and possibly start internet dating again? For the moment Mr Poke is winning.

Take care this week x

Responses, Results and Relaxation

Mr Barman contacted me on Sunday telling me he was still single, I responded explaining the situation with the sexual health check-up and also mentioned the situation with Mr Poke and how I am getting hopeful, so it'll be a few weeks before we do anything if at all. He's so hot though and knows what I like, but not worth risking anything really. We'll see my situation in a couple of weeks.

Went to my sexual-health check-up Monday, it was actually a lot better than I expected. There was a lot of questions (especially about time-spans) and of course having someone poke around your vagina isn't exactly pleasant, but it was fine. Totally worth going, disregarding the whole important issue of sexual health, I got 14 free condoms! Not those cheapo ones either. Knowing how easy it was, I'm certainly going to go more regularly, I can't believe I put it off. I got the results yesterday and they were as expected, but as it was expected I'd been treated for Chlamydia at the appointment (4 tablets) so all is well with me sexually once more. I have to refrain from sex for the rest of the week, but that's not exactly hard in the situation I'm in at the moment.

Been talking to Mr Poke online a lot still and by text (when I have the credit). He'd been talking to me about making a blanket fort with one of his friends, I got jealous in my childish ways, so made one myself, of course much classier than his. Satin sheets, throw cushions, fairy lights. I did wish I had someone to share the fort with, they're not so much fun by yourself. I like him a lot, I was bored in my fort and I'd got my sex-drive back. You can see where this might lead... yup towards cyber-sex. No photos or video though, despite him asking for pics, I have a rule (which I'm going to stick to more stringently than in the past) that I don't send such pics unless I get a pic in return. I think it's only fair, but he doesn't want to send me one, so I see no reason why I should send him one. I'd like to see him again, but he's not got plans to come back for a while and I've got no plans to go down there at the moment. Is red-week next week so I suppose there's no rush anyway. Just a matter of waiting and seeing I suppose.

I'm going out tonight, the first time since Ibiza, I can't waaaaiiittt! Should be fun. Wonder if I'll bump into Mr Barman or not. I've got to finish getting ready, going to the pub with a few other friends first. Bye! x

Past bites back, but potential for the future

Past biting back number one: more of a little nip. My Ex (did I name him Mr Ex? I will from now on) messaged me one drunken night saying "You don't know how much you ruined my life plan." Isn't that a lovely sentiment to wake up to, knowing you've ruined someone else's life. In his sober state he apologised for it, took it back and told me to ignore it, but I can't help but think he does truly think that. Nothing I can do. Sucks.

Past biting back number two: Mr POF. I hadn't been in contact with him for a while, but he started up a conversation with me online. I was tempted to be blunt and say I didn't want to talk to him, but I decided to be polite. After some pleasantries he got to the real point of why he spoke to me. He told me he had something and I need to get tested. I'd been meaning to, but I'd been putting it off. I'm going to go on Monday. This is a serious note guys, you need to be safer than I was. It doesn't matter how good the sex was, it's not worth catching something. Condoms. Don't cave into pressure/your hormones. No sex is better than an STI, try to remember this when you're in the moment.

But it's not all doom and gloom in my life though. Mr Poke is seeming very promising. We were meant to meet up yesterday for drinks with some other people, but plans fell through. However, he went out elsewhere and was texting me all night, during his drunk ramblings he admitted he was disappointed he didn't get to see me that night, he offered to spoon me (and he didn't "care kiss or not" -gentleman even when drunk) and he promised to make an effort to see me while he was still in this part of the UK. I'm not saying we're going to get together, but I am hopeful something might happen, given time. We're meeting up tomorrow (so long as plans don't fall through) so I'm hoping next week I'll have something interesting to say.

Until then, take care and be safe. x

My week in Ibiza

Before I left for Ibiza, Mr Poke and I had many extended conversations, and I expected that being in another country would mean I wouldn't contact him for a week. However, I found myself constantly borrowing my friends' smart phones to check Facebook on the hotel wifi. I also had a few text conversations with him despite the texts costing me 10p each and destroying my credit. I'm still unsure how I feel about him, I really like him and want to contact him a lot, but unsure about whether I fancy him. He certainly doesn't obviously turn me on but he's not unattractive, maybe he's too similar in appearance to my ex. Am I just being shallow? We'll have to give it time I think, will be seeing him on Friday with others for drinks.

Now for the interesting part of this post. Mr Rep. Yes, we're talking about my holiday rep. As soon as I saw him I was like "mmm yes please!" He's very friendly, relaxed etc. The welcome meeting (in the morning of the first full day) ended with me and my group of friends (Mr Adventure, Mr Morrisons and Miss Medicine) talking through plans with Mr Rep, we discovered he was from the same part of the UK as us. He also suggested we went to Eden (one of the clubs in San Antonio) that night for Ibiza live where Wretch 32 and Rizzle Kicks were playing, and there was an organised 1-euro bar elsewhere beforehand. Oh and that he'd be going too as he had a day off after that. So naturally, that's what we did (not that I care for that music) was a fun night and although we lost Mr Rep in the club, he appeared just as Rizzle Kicks were finishing and well, we got close. Very close. Tongues-in-mouths hands-in-pants kind of close. He wanted me to go back to his, but  I was unsure whether this was wise (with my confusion over men recently) and seeing as we had an excursion planned the following morning I had an excuse. The rest of the holiday him and I had unspoken sexual tension going on, but I remained strong and nothing further happened. He was hot and a nice guy, just that's not what I need at the moment, so disappear into the ether never to be seen again.

Nothing else interesting really happened, we had a pretty relaxed holiday with a few nights of drinking and a few day trips, but you don't want all those details. Oh but I caught a cold (which of course I'm blaming Mr Rep for)

Will post again on Saturday, so not long to wait. x

A new era?

Well, I decided I couldn't handle the anguish Mr POF was causing me, so avoided talking to him. He instigated a conversation on Wednesday, but he was ill so in a bad mood and I was fed-up with him, so it didn't end well.   Made me more determined to cut him out of my life though. I am not going back. I need to be strong.

I was supposed to be hooking up with Mr Barman after his shift on Thursday night. Thursday morning I got a text from him saying "I've got something I need to talk to you about" then he fell asleep again so I had 5 hours of torment as I waited for him to tell me what it was. To my relief it was just that he's found a girl he wants to date and thinks hooking up with me could jeopardise that. I was feeling tired anyway and couldn't be bothered to get the house or my body presentable, so was happy to call off the hook-up. So he's off the radar, for the moment at least.

There is Mr Poke. Don't think I fancy him, but he's good company and am appreciating the attention. I'll explain his name... he's a friend of a friend who went on a poke rampage of our mutual friend's Facebook friend list. He didn't expect me to poke back, but I ALWAYS poke back. We had a very vicious poke battle, and a facebook conversation that ended in the early hours of the morning. In the end we became facebook friends, exchange numbers and I managed to blag a drink and a Freddo (Cadbury chocolate frog if you didn't know) in return for letting him win the poke-war. We've been talking A LOT over the last couple of days. We'll see how/where it goes.

I'm off to Ibiza on Monday, so next week's post will be several days late. I'm excited about it. Should be fun. Will be better than this week where I've barely seen anyone at all (seriously have only left the house once since Monday)

Laters baby x