What do I want?

Last Saturday was a bit of a let-down. I was texting Mr Poke all night and was a bit bored with the club. The clubs in my town are terrible, I am just too old for them... or not slutty/drunk enough.

I've been in contact with Mr Barman a bit. He's obviously really horny recently because he's very keen to see me again. He knows nothing's going to happen at the moment because a) Mr Poke b) he's still not got himself checked out. Something he sent today was "if u do want sex just tell me im a toy for u to use x X x" which is a bit weird, but I appreciate his ease with the situation.

I don't know what to do about Mr Poke, I like him A LOT, though he can be very irritating at times, but I'm never going to get to see him. As it's been my red week this week I've been especially tetchy. I got annoyed with him yesterday as he said "I'm sure you'll get laid next week" this made me flip-out as he knows how I feel about him, and also makes me feel cheap (and he's made similar comments before). After a short outburst via text, I forced his hand and he admitted he cared for me, but he's reluctant as we're unlikely to see each other much, as we're both poor and living in different towns, not to mention his trip to the other side of the world in September. I just enjoy his company (even his virtual company) so much. Maybe I'm grasping at straws and should just resign myself to the fact nothing's going to happen, but that seems so daft when we both obviously like each other.

Do I keep putting Mr Barman off until at least next month when I'll see Mr Poke so I can wait and see what happens there? Or do I give up on Mr Poke, wait for Mr Barman to get his sexual health sorted and possibly start internet dating again? For the moment Mr Poke is winning.

Take care this week x